If I were a betting man I would say at some point in your life you have a had a mixture of feelings, ranging from bad to good, all at the same time causing you to feel incredibly confused. No doubt feelings of insignificance, nervousness, and fear are feelings we do not like to have. We see people who have gone out before us, in the field in which we want to work or live and we see the incredible things that they have accomplished. We see their seemingly supernatural level of creativity and ability. And we wonder, how on God’s green earth will I ever be able to do that?! We see the risk that was taken and cry at night because there is no way you would be able to take that leap! Maybe I am the only one who has felt these feelings. But there is the other side, the feelings we love to have: excitement, power, zeal, and a feeling of wanting to wait no longer and just conquer the world. What happens when we run into a situation that causes these feelings to collide at the highest possible level all at the same time?! I would say this typically happens when you are dealing with the thing in which you were made for. The job or mission your life demands you to do and you will not be happy unless you’re in the middle of painting the masterpiece that is your life! This is the school of blissful confusion.
This ridiculous barrage of intense feelings should no doubt send any sane human on a path to bitter confusion. Yet in my experience there is an interesting feeling of peace and contentment.
The only way to explain it is to not explain it. I shouldn’t even continue because I would end up trying and confuse you even more. For some crazy unexplainable reason I know I am in the right place this very moment. I am in the middle of this war of emotions and I yet God has granted me some sort of immunity to negative side effects. This invincibility to the damaging cross fire of emotions lets me know that I am supposed to be feeling these emotions; I am learning by living them out, fighting through them. It is crazy, I know, but all of this is to prepare me, to make me ready, capable, and unafraid to see the canvas, and paint. The learning happens with every turn of failure and success, and with every loss and every victory. Each positive emotion works hand in hand with its opposite negative emotion and if we allow him, God will cause the outcome to be the colors of our life.
I’m not sure if you have felt this before. Maybe you have not yet been placed in a position where God has set your life’s canvas up on the stand and has called you to grab the brush. All I can offer is my experience. I offer to you advice solely out of the truth that has been in my life up this point. Know that God has your life’s masterpiece pictured in his head and if you allow him to teach you in the school of blissful confusion, which I am still a student of, you will soon be painting that heavenly masterpiece that is your life.
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2 comments:
Paint the picture Kyle! It will be a beautiful canvas. I think we all go through this thought pattern at some point in our life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...the ones that lots of people think but never really write about....awesome!
I have always loved when people compare life to a canvas to be created into a beautiful masterpiece. I think you're right on when you say God already has the masterpiece in mind and is ready to help you paint it. I think often times we expect God to do the painting himself and it's not that he can't it's that he won't. He will not do it without us and we shouldn't expect to be able to do it without Him!
Love you bro,
-Chris
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